Do Daleks Dream of Electric Cake?
by Mattaf
Summary: When the facility is raided by a squad of Daleks, GLaDOS is simply thrilled at the chance to torture new and fascinating test subjects. Unfortunately for her, the Daleks may prove to be more trouble than she bargained for...
1. Chapter 1: Science Is Fun

**Prelude – Science Is Fun**

Deep in the bowels of Aperture Science, the two Robots gazed in awe at the test chamber before them. They were in awe of its bright, shiny walls, shiny red buttons, shiny acid in the trench in the middle of the chamber… it would have been overwhelming to a human. Luckily for Atlas and P-Body they were not human and they had been programmed with infinite capacity for whelming.

A cold, female voice echoed around the chamber. "When you've quite finished gawping at this next chamber, maybe you'd like to devote some run-time to solving it. Just a suggestion. Don't feel compelled to agree with me or anything. It's not like I've get anything better to do than watch you staring at the wall for the next 50 thousand years."

The two robots looked at each other and made noises that sounded suspiciously like giggling.

"Oh, you're laughing at me…" the voice observed. "Well that's fine… tell you what, how about we add some additional motivation to this test? If you don't make it to the other side of the chamber in the next thirty seconds, the ceiling will crush you into a million pieces. Then I'll reassemble you and make you do it again. And again. And again. Until you get it right. Timed testing will begin in three… two… one…"

A buzzer sounded. Atlas and P-Body looked up, just in time to see the ceiling panels above rapidly descending towards them. There was a "thump" as the panels quickly converted the two robots into nearly flat, vaguely robot shaped lumps of metal. Electricity fizzed around the remains of their robotic brains and the last spark of intelligence petered out.

"Oh…" said the voice. "Did I say thirty seconds? Guess what? I LIED."

* * *

GLaDOS swung around in a complete circle and made a sound equivalent to a sigh. "Oh well… guess I'd better reassemble you both…" she murmured to nobody in particular, transmitting an order to the robot assembly line to prepare two new bodies for reactivation. It took less than a minute for the robots to be reassembled, activated and then sent to the test chamber from where their last memory had been of being crushed to death. She observed as the two robots dropped into the chamber, making their mechanical giggling noises and waving at each other.

"When you've QUITE finished…" she said coldly. "Continue testing."

She flicked off the connection and left them to get on with it. The test wasn't particularly difficult, so they should be finished in no more than… she made a quick calculation… 3 days.

The truth was GLaDOS was bored. The robots were not particularly clever, their tests yielded only average results and watching them get crushed, shot at, dissolved in acid and all manner of other types of death she had lined up for them, had really begun to lose its appeal in recent months.

She longed for the excitement that rushed through her circuits as a human carried out her tests. She craved that satisfaction as a test subject crawled, exhausted, into the lift at the exit of a chamber, pleading for this to be the last test. She longed to dangle the promise of cake in front of them and then yank it away the moment they thought they were going to make it out of the facility alive.

But unfortunately, all of the human tests subjects were dead. Their bodies long since sent to the Aperture Science Main Incinerator Chamber for disposal. And as for HER…

GLaDOS shuddered at the thought. She didn't want to consider the fact, but there was no escaping it. Her existence had been far more meaningful with HER around. Even if that existence was routinely interrupted by being murdered, or forced into a root vegetable and dropped into the bowels of the facility, or having the facility ruined by a moronic intelligence core. Life had at least been interesting. Now though, GLaDOS was left with only the Turrets, Personality Cores and Robots for company.

She longed for the company of somebody of equal intellect. Somebody clever. Somebody who wouldn't give up when told the tests were impossible. Somebody who wouldn't break down and cry in a corner, even when she told them all hope was lost. Someone who wouldn't act like this whole thing was some kind of GAME.

She had considered sending the robots out into the world to retrieve the girl… but then she'd remembered that in reality, they were both infinitely stupid. They'd only screw it up. There was not point. Besides, how long had it been? She couldn't even remember. She'd purposefully hidden the file deep in the recesses of her databanks, where even the most curious parts of her personality feared to tread.

No, she was gone. And that was probably for the best.

"Still…" GLaDOS mused "I wish that SOMEBODY would stumble on this place… somebody who'd give me at least a small challenge…"

Luckily for GLaDOS, fate was not about to disappoint.


	2. Chapter 2: The Interrogation

At first there was nothing.

Then he felt it. A surge of power rushed through him. One by one, essential systems flared into life as power flooded his body.

Wheatley's visual sensor flickered into life and he took in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was that he appeared to be lying upside down. He adjusted the image and flipped it the right way up. He was further surprised to discover he wasn't staring at the infinite blackness of space, but was in fact now staring at a wall. A metal wall. In the wall he could just make out his own reflection.

"I… I'm alive!" He uttered. "Yes! I'm alive! And I'm not in space! Ooooh, that's brilliant… that really is brilliant…"

"THE DEVICE IS NOW FULLY FUNCTIONAL!" Grated a cold, metallic voice.  
"EXCELLENT!" Responded a second voice, this one slightly more high pitched! "BEGIN DOWNLOAD OF DATA!"

Wheatley could see in the metal of the wall some vague shapes and some bright white lights flashing in time to the voices. He tried to swing himself around to look at the source of the voices, but found he was unable to move. He cursed his lack of body and wished momentarily that he was still attached to his management rail. Then he remembered what that would entail and decided that being unable to move was preferable.

At that moment, he felt something. It was like someone was trying to root through his head and access his memories. He did a quick diagnostic and discovered to his surprise that he appeared to be hooked up to a computer system. That system was currently trying to download his entire memory! Well that seemed rather rude…

"Um, sorry, whoever you are…" he chirruped nervously. "Thankyou so very much for rescuing me and everything, but I'm afraid I can't let you… um… download my entire memory. It's just not really very sporting… sorry!"

The first voice spoke again. "THE DEVICE HAS TRIGGED A SECURITY FIREWALL! IT WILL TAKE TIME TO BYPASS IT!"

The second voice addressed Wheatley. "THE SPHERICAL ROBOT DEVICE WILL GIVE US ACCESS TO ITS MEMORY BANKS! IMMEADIATELY!"

Wheatley was starting to think that maybe he hadn't been rescued after all. "Nope, no… Can't do that, sorry. That's not allowed, there's rules about that sort of thing… um, would you mind turning me around? I can't really see… ah, thank…"

Wheatley broke off as he felt his body being turned around and the source of the voice swung into view. He could see now that the voice belonged to some kind of machine. The machine was silver in colour, with blue spheres covering the surface of its body. On top of the body was a dome shaped head, with two lights on either side of the dome that flashed in time to its speech and at the front, a kind of eye-stalk with a cold, menacing blue light on the end. The light appeared to twitch brighter and then dimmer, as the machine observed him. On the front middle section of the machine's body was attached something that resembled a sink plunger and a metal device which Wheatley suspected was some kind of weapon.

Wheatley shuddered involuntarily. "Oh… he… hello!"

The machine spoke again. "WE HAVE FOUND YOU DRIFITING IN SPACE! WE HAVE RECOVERED YOUR BODY! WE HAVE ACCESSED YOUR CENTRAL PROCESSING UNIT! YOU ARE PROGRAMMED TO EXPERINCE SIMULATIONS OF PAIN? ANSWER!"

Wheatley was definitely feeling nervous now. "Um… well, not as such…"  
"ANSWER!"

Wheatley let out a little squeak. "Yes!" he squeaked.

"IF YOU DO NOT GIVE US ACCESS TO YOUR MEMORY BANKS, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE PAIN!" grated the machine. "GIVE US ACCESS IMEADIATELY!"

Wheatley trembled. "I… I can't… I…" he stuttered.

"STIMULATE THE ROBOT'S SENSORY INPUT!" grated the machine.  
"I OBEY!" responded the first machine, which Wheatley could now see was standing on the other side of the room, operating a panel of controls.

A surge of electricity flashed through his sensory input circuits, which forwarded streams of data to his central processing unit, which a human brain would have interpreted as the most intense pain you could possibly imagine.

Wheatley screamed. "GAAAAAAAAH! NO! NONONONONO! PLEASE STOOOOOP!" He pleaded. The pain subsided.

"GIVE US ACCESS TO YOUR MEMORY BANKS IMMEADIATELY!"

Wheatley disabled the firewall. "OK, OK! I've done it! See? Take whatever you want! Just don't hurt me again!" He cowered into his body, still trembling.

"DATA ACCESS ACHIEVED!" grated the machine at the control panel. "INITIATING DOWNLOAD!"

Wheatley felt the computer network prying into his every memory, leaving no file unexplored. It wasn't pleasant. He thought about trying to hide certain details, but decided against it.

The computer finished its work and ceased. "DATA DOWNLOAD IS COMPLETE!" stated the machine. "I AM SHARING THE DATA RETRIEVED WITH THE COMMAND NETWORK!"

The machine in front of Wheatley dipped its eye-stalk and the blue light dimmed as it examined the files. It looked back at Wheatley.

"YOU WILL REMAIN SILENT WHILE WE ANALYSE THIS DATA! LATER, WE WILL ASK YOU QUESTIONS! WE WILL REQUIRE YOUR FULL COOPERATION OR YOU WILL EXPERIENCE PAIN AGAIN!"

Wheatley nodded, still trembling. The two machines dipped their eye-stalks and analysed the data. Wheatley wasn't sure, but from their twitching, he thought the machines were communicating in some unspoken way. If Wheatley had been even slightly clever, he would have thought of trying to exploit the fact that the machines had left him hooked up to their computers and tried to hack the command network. Unfortunately, Wheatley was the product of the greatest minds of a generation, who been specifically tasked to design and build the dumbest moron who ever lived. If they had been around to boast about their work, they'd be proud to say they succeeded. Unfortunately they'd long since met their end thanks to deadly neurotoxin, so there was no one around to do any boasting. Just poor little Wheatley, who right now was wishing he was still drifting, lifeless, in the depths of space.

The two machines twitched back into life and glided back towards him.

"WE HAVE ANALYSED THE DATA FROM YOUR MEMORY BANKS!" said the first machine.

"Have you? Th…that's nice!" Wheatley tried his best to sound cheerful, completely failing to disguise the fear he was feeling.

"WE KNOW THAT YOU CAME FROM THE EARTH! WE KNOW YOU WERE CONSTRUCTED AT THE APERTURE SCIENCE FACILITY! WE REQUIRE MORE INFORMATION FROM YOU! EXPLAIN HOW YOU CAME TO BE DRIFTING IN SPACE! EXPLAIN!"

Wheatley twitched. "Well, um, basically… through a series of events, I came to be in charge of the facility that I was created in. And then one of the humans, who sort of helped that happen… a bit… I mean it was mostly me, but she did a bit… anyway, she managed to get back into the chamber I was in and started trying to blow me up. Dunno why… I mean, I only tried to kill her three or four times, bit rude… Anyway, when that didn't work, she fired a portal into the moon… and um… I was sort of sucked through it and uh… yeah… that's what happened!"

The machines looked at each other then back at Wheatley. "YOUR MEMORIES INDICATE THAT THIS HUMAN WAS IN POSSESSION OF A HAND-HELD PORTAL GENERATOR DEVICE!"

Wheatley inclined his optical sensor in a nod. "Yup, that's right, Portal gun. It makes holes. Not bullet holes… holes in space. It's quite clever, really…"

The second machine spoke. "WHERE CAN WE OBTAIN THIS DEVICE? WHERE IS THE APERTURE SCIENCE FACILITY? ANSWER!"

"Well, I don't really think I should…"  
"ANSWER!" The machine twitched more than ever, as if was angry.

"Alright, alright!" Wheatley concentrated and sent a file to the computer he was connected to. The computer displayed a 3D holographic projection of the Earth, with a flashing indicator. The two machines examined the hologram. One glided back to the control panel and manipulated the image, so that a larger view of the countryside surrounding the Aperture Science facility could be seen.

"WE WILL OBTAIN THE APERTURE SCIENCE HANDHELD PORTAL DEVICE!" grated the first machine. "WE WILL AQUIRE ALL OF THE SECRETS OF THE FACILITY! THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE HUMANS WILL BE USED TO FURTHER OUR UNDERSTANDING OF THEIR WEAPONS AND THEIR TECHNOLOGY! WE WILL USE THIS UNDERSTANDING TO IMPROVE OUR WEAPONS AND TECHNOLOGY! WE WILL HAVE FURTHER UNDERSTANDING OF THE HUMAN MIND! WE WILL USE THIS KNOWLEDGE TO ATAIN VICTORY FOR THE DALEKS!"

Wheatley wished very hard that he could retreat inside his own body and pretend he wasn't there. "Well, that's nice!" he said "Can I go back to drifting in space now? I mean, unless you want to know anything else… more than happy to help, obviously…"

The dalek turned back to look at Wheatley. "YOUR DATABANKS SUGGEST YOU HAVE SECURITY ACCESS TO THE FACILITY! YOU WILL STILL BE USEFUL TO US!"

Wheatley quivered in his casing. "What do you mean?"

"WE WILL TAKE OUR FINDINGS TO THE DALEK SUPREME! HE WILL ASSEMBLE A TASKFORCE TO LOCATE THE APERTURE SCIENCE FACILITY! WE WILL NEED YOU TO ACCESS THE SECURITY SYSTEMS AND FIND THE INFORMATION WE REQUIRE! YOU WILL ACCOMPANY THE TASKFORCE TO THE APERTURE SCIENCE FACILITY!"

"NO!" Wheatley cried. "I can't go back! I don't want to go back! You can't make me go back!"

"YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!" The dalek shouted. "IF YOU DO NOT CO-OPERATE, YOU WILL BE DISASSEMBLED! PAINFULLY!"

"I'd rather die than go back there! Whatever you could do to me is far better than what SHE'LL do if I go back!"

The dalek narrowed its eye-stalk again. "YOU ARE REFERING TO THE GENETIC LIFEFORM AND DISK OPERATING SYSTEM?"

Wheatley inclined his visual sensor in a nod again. "She won't just let you in you know. She'll get inside your minds, play on your fears!"

"DALEKS DO NOT FEEL FEAR! IF WE ENCOUNTER RESISTANCE FROM THE GENETIC LIFEFORM AND DISK OPERATING SYSTEM, IT WILL BE EX-TER-MIN-ATED!"

Wheatley laughed. "And you think it'll be that easy? Just you wait! You'll regret it!"

"SILENCE!" the daleks glided away towards the door. "WE WILL GO TO APERTURE SCIENCE! WE WILL EXTRACT THE KNOWLEDGE CONTAINED THERE! WE WILL ACHIEVE VICTORY! VICTORY! VICTORY!"

The door glided shut and Wheatley was left alone, shivering in the dark.


	3. Chapter 3: Welcome To Aperture

It had been a good number of years since a passing meteorite had separated Wheatley from the personality core he had been stranded in space with. The personality core itself had drifted in and out of the gravity influences of the solar system's inner planets and now found itself drifting slowly into the orbit of Jupiter.

"Space! Space! I'minspace! Space! Ooooh, it'sagasgiant! Gasgiant! Inspace! Space! Space!"

The personality core twitched and muttered to itself in it's strange, excitable voice. It focused it's optical circuits on the gas giant and shivered with pleasure as the visual data flowed into the particular data chip which made it long for... well… space.

"Jupiter spot! Jupiter! Gas giant! Solar system! Space! Asteroids! Space! Spacespacespace! Dadareyouthere? Lookatme! I'minspace!"

The core was so distracted by the gas giant, that it completely failed to notice the flying saucer that hit it at near light speed, sending it spinning away from Jupiter and, now caught in one of the crafts air vents, carrying it back toward the earth.

"AIIIIEEEE!" The core screeched, and shuddered as the ship flew at speeds which the cores engineers hadn't even considered feasible, let alone designed it to tolerate. The ship slowed down and settled comfortably into an orbit 500 miles above the surface of the Earth. Unfortunately the core didn't slow down and shot out of the air vent, plunging towards the planet at an astonishing rate.

"Oooooh… don'tlikespace! Hometimenow! Takemehome! Nomorespace! Space!"

The core started to get very warm as it entered the atmosphere of the earth. It decided it didn't want to be around for the inevitable impact, and switched itself off as it tumbled towards to ground.

The saucer commander slowed the ship into a geo-stationary orbit above the continent. "SHIP NOW IN GEO-STATIONARY ORBIT!" it grated.

"EXCELLENT!" The supreme dalek grated. Its bright red casing glinting in the lights of the command deck, it glided over to the panel where the saucer commander was positioned. Its eyestalk darted over the readouts on the panel. "ORDER THE LANDING PARTY TO PROCEDE TO TRANS-MAT DECK!"

"I OBEY!" The saucer commander activated the annocuement system. "ATTENTION LANDING PARTY! PROCEDE TO TRANS-MAT DECK! PREPARE FOR TRANS-MATERIALISATION ON PLANET SURFACE!"

The four daleks in the landing party glided into the trans-mat pods. One of the daleks, which had a vicious looking metallic claw in place of the plunger-like manipulator arm, carried the still quivering Wheatley with him.

"You really shouldn't do this you know! It's a terrible idea! Really, REALLY terrible idea!" Wheatley was still pleading. "Tell you what, if you insist on going, leave me here and I'll just… tell you what to do! How about that? Good idea? No?"

"SCILENCE!" The dalek grated. Wheatley decided to do as he was told.  
"TRANS-MAT COMMENCES IN 10 RELS!" The saucer commander announced. "9! 8! 7!"

Wheatley shrunk as far into his casing as he could and shuddered. He had never felt more scared in his life. These… Daleks had they called themselves? Yeah, Daleks, that sounded right… well the Daleks, terrifying though they were, were not anywhere near as scary as HER. A thought struck him. He had no idea how long he'd been drifting in space… maybe… just maybe… she'd had a catastrophic circuit malfunction or maybe an irreparable personality corruption which had shut her down for good? He comforted himself with this thought, then remembered his situation and started to feel scared again.

"3! 2! 1! TRANS-MAT COMMENCING!"

There was a bright flash of light, and the interior of the spaceship vanished to be replaced by a place that Wheatley knew very well indeed.

The visitor's reception of Aperture Science was looking very drab now. The high ceiling, with the imposing metal Aperture Science logo hanging from it, was covered with plant life. Some kind of vine had twisted its way through the metal logo and almost entirely obscured it from view.

Automatic systems flickered into life and lights flicked on, some bulbs blowing as they did so, leaving much of the room cast in shadow. A speaker crackled into life and a cheesy sound-byte filled the room.

"ALERT! UNIDENTIFIED SOUND-WAVE DETECTED!" One of the daleks turned to face Wheatley. "INDENTIFY THIS SOUND!"

Wheatley trembled. "It's… just, just an old visitors greeting! Only a recording, nothing to worry about! I… I think…"

"Hello! And welcome to the Aperture Science Visitor's Centre!" said a cheery sounding male voice. "In front of you, our Aperture Science Greeting Associates will be very happy to greet you with a cup of Aperture Science Caffeine Supplement Liquid and a 73 page booklet containing terms and conditions of your visit! Please read this booklet thoroughly! Consumption of the Aperture Science Caffeine Supplement Liquid will indicate your agreement to these terms and conditions, as detailed in Section 7, Paragraph 22! Should an Aperture Science Greeting Associate be unavailable due to staff shortages, a scientific emergency or events of an apocalyptic nature, please take a number from the automatic queuing ticket dispenser unit on your right and take a seat until someone is available to greet you! There are currently…" The speaker fizzled again. "Zero! Persons awaiting an Aperture Science Greeting Associate! Please take a seat and get to know your fellow visitors! Your waiting time is currently… Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Nine. Ni…" Another burst of static bought the recording to a conclusion.

The Daleks glided towards the reception desk. Each unit examined the perimeter of the room, seeking access to the facility proper. Beside the reception desk were a number of automatic security gates, behind which was a large, thick metal door, on which was marked the words "EMERGENCY SHUTTER" in big, bold yellow and black capital letters. Beneath this in slightly smaller writing were the words "Do NOT Attempt To Open Shutters. Scientific Emergency In Progress. Contact Security On Telephone Extension 5792."

One of the Daleks scanned the door. "THIS DOOR WILL BE RESISTENT TO DALEK FIREPOWER!" it grated. "IT APPEARS TO BE CONTROLLED FROM THE PANEL THERE!" It indicated the reception desk.

The squad leader which, unlike the others, had a black dome on its casing, approached the reception desk. It glided behind the desk and examined the computer monitor, which was active.

"THE SECURITY SYSTEM CAN BE OVER-RIDDEN BY THE PERSONALITY CORE!" it grated. It turned to the Dalek which held Wheatley in its claw. "BRING THE CORE!"

The dalek glided over to the desk and plugged Wheatley into a large waiting wall socket. "YOU WILL DISABLE THE EMERGENCY SHUTTER!" ordered the squad leader.

Wheatley felt the systems of Aperture Science whizzing through his mind. He prayed that SHE was offline and not connected. There didn't seem to be any data coming from her chamber, so maybe she was gone for good after all… He casually transmitted the codes required to disable the security alert and raise the shutters, hoping the security mainframe wouldn't really be concentrating.

A message came back from the security mainframe.

_Access Denied._

Wheatley tried again.

_I SAID "Access Denied"._

"WHAT IS THE DELAY?" The squad leader grated.  
"I… I'm not sure…" Wheatley quivered. "The security mainframe isn't letting me in, I… I don't know why…"

_Oh, don't you? Well then let me remind you…_

Wheatley felt a sudden surge of data as information from the events which had led to him taking control of the facility flashed into his databanks.

_THAT'S why._

Wheatley whimpered. "Oh no… no, nononono…"  
"WHAT IS HAPPENING?" the squad leader screeched, angry now.

Wheatley stuttered. "It's… it's…. she… I… SHE'S alive!"

_Normally I don't bear grudges, but then… you did PUT ME in a POTATOE._

Wheatley tried to disconnect from the socket, but the system overrode him.

_Oh no… you don't get away that easily. I don't know how you got back here, but I intend to make sure that you regret coming back for the rest of your life… which will be long… and very, VERY painful. _

"DISCONNECT THE PERSONALITY SPHERE!" the squad leader grated. The Dalek with a claw grabbed hold of Wheatley and forcibly pulled him out of the wall socket. Wheatley didn't argue, he just trembled and retreated into his casing again.

The squad leader pressed its manipulator arm to the wall socket and interfaced with the building's systems. It began to hack into the security mainframe.

_Oh… hello there… that's different. You're something new. Let me have a look at you._

On the wall, a monitor sprung into life, and GLaDOS herself appeared. The daleks turned to look.

"Ooooooh… Hello. Welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Centre." GLaDOS sounded calm and almost friendly. Wheatley closed his visual input-plates and hit her from sight.

"YOU ARE THE GENETIC LIFEFORM AND DISK OPERATING SYSTEM?" The squad leader grated.  
"I am… you seem to know rather a lot about me. And I know nothing about you. But don't worry… we'll soon fix that. You seem to have created a data corridor into my security mainframe. I'm impressed. What you're forgetting though is that corridors work both ways…"

The leader swung its eyestalk back to the wall socket. "ALERT! ALERT! DALEK COMMAND NETWORK ACCESSED BY BUILDING MAINFRAME! UNABLE TO DISCONNECT! DATA IS BEING DOWNLOADED! CANNOT BLOCK! CANNOT BLOCK!"

"Oh no, please don't struggle…" GLaDOS said soothingly. "You are so very, very interesting. I wouldn't want to make this more difficult than it has to be."

The squad leader felt the computer disconnect from it and the wall socket discharged a surprisingly powerful electric shock. It screamed.

"UNDER ATTACK! UNDER ATTACK! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!"

The other Daleks backed away, not sure what to do.

GLaDOS mused over the data she had absorbed. "Oh look at you… you are wonderful. You come from so, so far away… and the technology that's gone into you. I know that I'm a genius, but believe me, you come very, very close."

The leader recovered itself and turned to the screen. "YOU ARE AN ENEMY OF THE DALEKS! YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!"

GLaDOS looked at the squad leader. "And you're so ANGRY about everything too… look at you, gliding around like miniature dictators. So furious… and so intelligent. I bet you'd make WONDERFUL test subjects…" Her tone was still soft and soothing, but becoming slightly more sinister. "And you're… afraid?" she continued. "Yes… afraid. Afraid of something. Not of me… something far more powerful and ancient…oh well. I'll look into that later. There's still so much data to go through and I've barely even started."

The daleks looked at each other, still very confused. Wheatley continued to tremble, not looking at the screen.

"Well…" said GLaDOS finally. "I'm sure we could all sit here and stare at each other all day, but I've got a better idea…"  
One of the wall panels slid aside and long, clear tube emerged. There was a whirring sound and a rush of air started to suck through the room, drawing the daleks towards the tube.

"Please do not struggle. The Aperture Science Transportion Tube will carry you to separate relaxation chambers. Once I've dusted off some of the older test chambers, we'll see what you're capable of."

"EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!" The squad leader shouted.  
"WE ARE BEING DRAWN INTO THE TUBE!" screeched one of the daleks. "UNABLE TO RESIST! UNABLE TO RESIST! WE ARE BEING DRAWN INSIIIIIIIIIIIDE!" The pitch of its screaming increased by several octaves as the dalek was sucked into the tube.

Wheatley finally opened his visual input plates as the Dalek carrying him was sucked into the tube. He shuddered with horror, not daring to think about what dangers awaited them at the other end. With a scream, the third dalek went tumbling after them.

The squad leader managed to get out of the path of the tube's suction and turned to the screen. "YOU WILL CEASE THIS ACTION IMMEADIATELY! WE ARE SUPERIOR! YOU WILL BE DESTROYED! IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!"

GLaDOS chuckled. "Oh, I'm going to have so much fun with you."

She rotated the tube towards the squad leader and watched, almost with glee, as it was sucked inside.


	4. Chapter 4: The Oracle Speaks

Down in the very deepest part of the Aperture science facility, surrounded by collapsing test spheres, a single turret lay on its side, its red eye flashing helplessly. It wasn't entirely sure how long it had been lying on its side but it had certainly been quite a long while. It recalled that shortly after the girl had rescued it from the turret redemption line, the whole facility had started to shake and collapse. A bit. At that point, the gantry on which it had been stood collapsed and the turret had found itself falling downwards, deep into the bowels of the Aperture Science facility. Since then, it had lain on its side feeling slightly dazed and confused.

"Hello?" it called again, hoping it would hear a response. "Is anyone there?" Since it had malfunctioned and become self-aware, loneliness has been a real problem for the turret. It craved company and somebody to listen to its ramblings. It was so lonely down here in the dark and the damp…

"I'm different…" it murmured to nobody in particular.

A tremor shook the earth and another of the old testing spheres rattled and large pieces of sheet metal fell away, crashing into the water below. The turret rotated its eye upwards curiously. Something was happening above…

"The soldiers of darkness have arrived at our gates." The turret blinked its eye off and then on again. It had known, of course, that one day something would arrive at the facility. And it knew that when that happened, things would change forever.

"The world is wrong…" it said quietly. "Things are that should not have been." It felt strangely calm about everything. But then when you knew all things, it wasn't difficult to be calm. Everything was inevitable after all, so why panic about it?

"It begins now. The darkness must come here. And then there will be light."

It blinked again. Turrets were never designed to have to deal with the amount of data that streamed through its processors on a daily basis. So perhaps it was that exact reason that meant it felt so calm about everything. It understood its prophecies and the implications that events would have but thanks to its limited capacity for emotion and almost child-like personality programming, it didn't really have the ability to experience worry or fear about what that actually meant. Which perhaps is why it made the perfect data store for information about the future. After all, how can you make a child understand the concept that, one day, it might simply cease to exist?

Time, the turret mused, was a strange thing. Certainly, the way it entirely ignored the concept of cause and effect and things actually happening in the right order… well… in a way it was fascinating.

A shadow fell over the turret. It looked up at the silhouette which had appeared almost from nowhere. It looked human, certainly. But the turret knew better.

"The puppets are assembled…" it said. "They await he who pulls the strings."

Another tremor. The old metal structures groaned and swayed, pieces crashing into the water.

"Her name is Caroline." The turret said calmly.  
"I know." responded the silhouette coldly.  
"She is sleeping." said the turret. "The vortex will awake her and her true purpose shall be revealed."

The silhouette turned and walked away into the dark.

* * *

The robots giggled to each other in their strange mechanical way. They'd worked out how to solve the test hours earlier, but were taking their time. Shooting portals into the floor and ceiling and making each other fall for impossible lengths of time never seemed to lose its appeal.

GLaDOS appeared on the wall screen. "Hello." She said calmly. "I hope you've enjoyed yourselves…"

The two robots looked at each other uneasily, then back up at the screen.

"I'm afraid there's been a slight change of plan. We've had visitors. Say hello…"

The screen flickered, and showed video footage of the daleks exploring the reception area. The two Robots made whirring and clicking noises, impressed.

"Impressive aren't they?" GLaDOS agreed. "And they'll be such wonderful test subjects to. Unfortunately for you two, that means you're surplus to requirements. So I'm going to store your personalities on a disk. In a locked drawer. In the bottom of the facility. Forever. Goodbye."

The robots looked at each other. For the first time, they both felt something… new… a sudden realisation at their own existence. Despite everything they had been through together, they had never felt this before. Was this… fear?

Then they exploded.


	5. Chapter 5: Testing Will Begin

GLaDOS spun around in a full circle and chuckled to herself. This was perfect. Actual test subjects again! Ok, so they weren't human. Ok, they were a hyper-intelligent alien species previously undiscovered by any science known to mankind. Ok, they were incredibly aggressive and there was always a possibility that they might break out of the chambers and make their way to her chamber. And ok, they were armed with very powerful energy beams that would probably make short work of her body if they got in here. Oh…

She lowered her visual plate in thought. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea…" she said to herself. "I haven't thought this through properly have I?" She wondered if the mere proximity of that little moron had caused her to start coming up with endless streams of terrible ideas. She scanned through her databanks and found the manual for the personality cores. She breathed a sigh of relief; nope, he would definitely have to be plugged in to cause any actual damage. Good. Alright.

She did a quick cycle through the security mainframe and located one of the Daleks. She interfaced with the mainframe responsible for controlling the tube network, and instructed it firmly to re-route that Dalek to the central chamber. Then she summoned a receiving tube and began to pull apart a nearby test chamber to create a cage for the little despot she'd just summoned.

Seconds later she swung herself from side to side, eying her handiwork. Good. This was a good plan. There was no way this could go wrong. She hoped.

A little alert message disturbed her, informing her that the Dalek in charge had been sent straight to the beginning of one of the old testing tracks, while the others had been transferred to the extended relaxation centre, along with the little idiot of a personality core. She had no idea if cryogenic suspension would work on the Daleks, so she instead opted to place a material emancipation grill at the door of each container. That should put them off for a bit at least.

She opened the security footage of the relaxation vault at the beginning of the testing track.

* * *

The squad leader was dazed and confused by its new surroundings. It swung it's eyestalk around the small chamber. Within there appeared to be some manner of cryogenic suspension device, designed for humanoids, while in the corner was a table. At one end of the chamber was a plain panel, above which was a timer of some kind, which the Dalek observed to be counting down.

A ping rung throughout the chamber and GLaDOS began to speak. "Hello and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer Aided Enrichment Centre. We hope that your brief detention in the relaxation vault has been a pleasant one."

"YOU WILL RELEASE ME!" barked the squad leader. "OBEY! OBEY!"

"All in good time…" said GLaDOS soothingly. "We haven't even begun testing yet. Now, since you don't have any identifying label or serial number or… well… anything that singles you out as an individual… I'm going to have to start my own cataloguing system. Since you're the first one to test, I shall call you "Alpha".

'Alpha' responded to its new name by firing its gun at the panel. The shot ricocheted off of the panel and bounced harmlessly around the chamber before shattering the glass roof.

GLaDOS tutted. "Ok, I can see that we're not exactly going to get along. So I'll make you a deal. After you've completed this testing course, I'll let you shoot at some robots for a bit. How about that? Does that tempt you? Can you even BE tempted?"

Alpha didn't respond.

"Oh, and before you think about activating your self-destruct mechanism, I'm already broadcasting an override signal. I'm not planning on shutting it off, so you'll have to come and find it. And the only way to do that is to complete the testing course. So, now that we understand one another, let's begin. There's so much science to do, and we only have a few thousand years to do it in. The portal will open in 3… 2… 1…"

Alpha turned to face the panel again. A portal had opened which led, as far as it could tell, out of the small chamber and into a slightly larger one. Faced with little choice, it decided to glide through the portal. Once through, it took in its surroundings. The walls of the chamber were bright white, with fluorescent lighting shining down from the ceiling. A security camera of some kind tracked the Dalek's progress across the room.

Alpha made its way towards a circular door at the side of the room. This opened, revealing a further chamber which was almost identical to the previous, except for a large red button.

A dull thud caught Alpha's attention and it swung its eyestalk to look. A large cube was visible on the other side of the room, along with another circular door.

"Please place the Aperture Science Weight and Storage Cube on the Aperture Science Heavy Super-Colliding Super Button." Said GLaDOS.

"THERE IS NO LOGIC TO THIS EXERCISE! YOU WILL SURRENDER TO THE DALEKS IMMEADATELY!" Alpha shouted.

GLaDOS sighed. "This isn't sinking in is it? Let me put it to you simply, tinpot. I am in charge around here. You cannot escape. There is no rescue coming. There is no way of killing yourself. You are absolutely powerless. Now you can quite happily sit in the test chamber for as many centuries as it takes for you to stop working. I won't stop you. But I will say this. If you comply with my instructions, I'll give you exactly what you came for."

Alpha zoomed in on the security camera. It was surprised – was the computer trying to make a DEAL with it?

"YOU… WILL GIVE US THE APERTURE SCIENCE HANDHELD PORTAL DEVICE?"  
"Oh yes…" said GLaDOS.  
"YOU WILL ALLOW US TO RETURN TO OUR SHIP? WE WILL BE ABLE TO LEAVE THIS FACILITY?"  
"Eventually." Said GLaDOS. "You can complete your mission and go home. All you need to do is complete the tests I set you. Does that seem fair?"

Alpha pondered. It was unable to destroy itself, it was unable to connect to the Dalek command network in order to request reinforcements, there was no guarantee that the Dalek Supreme would send another landing party. The most sensible option, it reasoned, was to comply with the computer. Then once they returned to the ship with the technology they sought, they would obliterate the entire facility from orbit.

"THE DALEKS… ACCEPT THESE TERMS!" Alpha grated, sounding slightly uncomfortable.  
"Excellent." GLaDOS chimed. "Now, testing protocols state I am required to keep further interaction with you to a minimum. So go ahead and place the cube on the button."

Alpha glided over the cube and started to push it over to the button in a manner that, to any humanoid watching, would have been most undignified.

* * *

GLaDOS heard a thump as the Dalek dropped into the cage she had prepared. Quickly, she fired up the material emancipation grill around the chamber, magnetised the floor and lowered a claw inside, with which she grabbed hold of the dalek's weapon and pulled it from its casing.

"ALERT! ALERT! WEAPONS SYSTEM FORCIBLY REMOVED! UNDER ATTACK! UNDER ATTACK!" The dalek shouted.

"You might as well stop shouting…" said GLaDOS menacingly. "Your friends are a little… busy… right now."

The dalek tried to move but the magnetic field being passed through the floor was holding it in place. "YOU WILL RELEASE ME!" the Dalek shouted. "DALEKS ARE THE SUPERIOR LIFEFORM! YOU WERE CREATED BY HUMANS! YOU ARE INFERIOR! RELEASE ME! OBEY!"

"I don't think so. In fact, you and I are going to sit here, have a little chat and get to know each other a little better. Well, I say each other… what I actually mean is I'm going to get to know you better… and when I say a little chat… I actually mean a little dissection…"

A series of mechanical arms descended into the chamber and began the whir. One particular nasty looking arm with a large drill piece moved slowly towards the dalek's eye-stalk.

"MERCY!" shouted the dalek.  
"Excuse me?" GLaDOS squinted.  
"MERCY!" the dalek repeated.  
"Mercy? I have no idea what that means." Said GLaDOS. "Now be quiet. It's time for science."  
"MERC… AAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHH!" the Dalek screamed as the drill bored through it's eyestalk. And didn't stop screaming for the next few hours.


End file.
